Geckos: Lizzy, may she rest in peace, was my first gecko. Geckos
are very territorial so once she showed up, she stayed put for a while. She
lived in the walls and ceiling of my kitchen and bathroom until Clyde, my other
gecko, appeared in my living room. For a while they co-existed but it is now
several months since my last Lizzy-sighting. I believe Clyde has either scared
Lizzy off or eaten her so that he can have free range of the house. I’ve found
him trying to snuggle in my make-shift couch on the ground or blocking the
staircase when I get up to pee in the middle of the night. Clyde is quite a
character: he will freeze when he knows I’ve seen him and only retreat back
into the ceiling when I turn my back. He often thinks he’s hidden but his tail
will still be sticking out much like a toddler who throws a blanket over himself
but his feet are still showing. My geckos, while a bit freaky when I first
discovered them, are fabulous listeners. I’ve been told they will only bite if you
corner them, so I’m happy to coexist despite the absolute animosity with which
the Thais will talk about them. I’ve also been told that if a gecko jumps on me
the only way to get rid of that bad luck is to get struck by lightning…so let’s
keep our fingers crossed on that one.
Frogs: There’s a single frog who is a frequent visitor of my
little Sansai home. For weeks, every single morning I would discover him under
my couch pillows, which I now habitually check for Clyde before laying down. I
would scoop him up in a shoe and fling him out the front door every day. More
recently, I discovered him nestled in my tissue box. I suppose he’s just
looking for a cozy place to live but a bit unsettling to pull out a tissue and
have a frog fall on my lap. Apparently, this frog is apparently territorial as
even if I take it across campus, blindfold it, and spin it around three times
he will be in my couch again within the week.
Snakes: This was a real turning point. My reaction to seeing
a snake squeeze under my door and start poking around was a groan that I had to
get up from the couch to take care of this. How annoying. I grabbed my broom
and carefully starting poking it towards the door from a couple steps safely up
my staircase. After several minutes of failure I finally swung open the door
and just swept him towards the opening. The poor thing couldn’t get a grip on
the tile to slither correctly so just spastically squirmed as I accosted him
with my broom until he was out the door. I now occasionally leave limes outside
my door as local wisdom says snakes are deterred by lime juice. Seems to be
working.
Flying Termites: These termites will blossom all of the
sudden one day in the rainy season and attack any light they can find. In the
time it took me to get upstairs and back it felt like the 8th plague
had taken over. I ran to turn off any light source and turn up my outside
lights but the cleanup in the morning was awful. These bugs have the lightest
wings that fall off so easily. I am still sweeping them out of my house.
ANTS: A ginormous pain in the ass. NOTHING can be left out.
I keep all food safely in the fridge, in a couple tested ant-proof Tupperware containers,
or in a bucket of water so that the ants get into them. However, these terrible
creatures have also chewed through plastic bags and invaded a box of tampons,
my computer, and my cotton swabs. Sometimes I see their marching line across my
wall and attempt to find their destination to no avail. Luckily there is a
spray for when there are just a few too many to handle.
Cockroaches: Of course there are a few but I only seem to
find them when I leave the house for a week and they will be belly up when I
get home. Apparently they are exceptional hiders when they’re not dead.
Scorpions: I had only two and they were potentially the same
one. (Right? Only two like that’s a lucky thing) The first seemed dead and I
was sweeping then he sprung to life from within the pile of dust and started scurrying
around the floor. Did you know how fast a scorpion moves? I trapped him under
my broom and hock-pucked him out the door. Several weeks later I found another
that was most definitely dead.
Spiders: I let most of the spiders coexist to get rid of my
bugs however some are huge and I’m afraid they’ll get rid of me. One morning I
lifted a pillow to discover I had both a frog and spider cuddle bugs for the
past hour. I was not thrilled.
Lizards: These guys are just cute. I don’t mind them one bit
since they eat the little bugs. Only once did I have the issue where one fell
into my toaster when it was in the process of making my breakfast and caused
the thing to spark and die with a fried lizard at the bottom. Rough way to go.
One of my students asked me today if I have friends in
Thailand. I told her I have too many, and I showed her a picture of me and
Clyde. She definitely thinks there’s something wrong with me now.
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