But Why Can’t I Call You Fat?

Each of the directors with his certificate for completing the workshop

Fulbright staff and English Teachers in front

(Photo taken from Fulbright's Facebook page)

This week was round two of teaching English to the directors of Thai schools. The directors were so pleased with the progress they had made last time that they requested a second workshop with us to continue their education.

The English teachers I worked with last time were not available to return so I was accompanied by two other English teachers from my program this time. It was very pleasant to see how happy the directors were to see me again, and how comfortable they were to converse with me despite their struggles with English!

We worked on pronunciation (do you say "die-rector" "dee-rector" or "der-rector"...they were not pleased when we each said it differently), how to have small talk, how to give a tour of your school and town, and how to present about your school. I was leading the small talk session the morning of day one. I had prepared some sample dialogues for practice but had prefaced the exercise with example topics of what to avoid:

Do Not Talk About:                                                                    

-Age                                                                                        “How old are you?”

-Weight                                                                                   “You are fat.”

-Physical appearance                                                             “You are very pretty.”

-Alcohol                                                                                  “Do you like whiskey?”

-Religion                                                                                 “What religion are you?”

-Politics                                                                                   “What do you think of Obama?”

The first two groups listened carefully, and followed with many questions about what is acceptable and offensive language to us Americans. Many of the men had a serious “oh-shit” face on when they realized that they have said almost every single one of these phrases to us just in the last workshop we held, thus why they each made the list. These are exceptionally common phrases in Thailand, and not considered offensive or taboo in Thai culture but even necessary at times. For example, talking about age in Thailand is common practice because you address those who are older than you as “Pee” and those who are younger as “Nong” (I will be addressed as “Pee Kendra” and “Nong Kendra” depending on who is talking to me). Many times that is someone’s first question to a new-comer in order to avoid making their own cultural faux-pas.

The most wondrous teaching moment of the day was when my last group sat down for the small talk session and one of the directors immediately said “Hello, my teacher. You look more beautiful today than the last time.” Great. Prime segue into my topic about what not to say to a foreigner. I begin the lesson, and as we proceed through the list above he immediately apologizes when he notices his error. I reassured him by saying that I understand because I have spent enough time in Thai culture. I know it was genuinely meant as a compliment, but when a 50 year-old man is complimenting my looks in a professional setting I can’t help but have that initial uncomfortable reaction, probably due in large part to the growing awareness of sexual harassment in the States.

Then it took a turn. What my group began to ask me, more or less, is why it is their responsibility to adjust their speaking and not that of the other party’s in the conversation. They asked me if I warn my American friends who come to Thailand that they should expect to hear these things that are considered exceptionally normal in Thai culture (as if I am personal friends with all Americans who come to Thailand).

Something to remember is these are middle-aged men run schools of around 50-100 students and 3-7 staff members in rural Thailand. Lampang province is not the most disconnected province from tourism and the greater world, but these men have very little reason to engage in the global community and have very little prior experience.

It was a bit shocking at first to hear them ask me why it is their responsibility and not the other party’s. Although I had not defined a particular situation at first, I believe most of the directors assumed that they would be interacting with a foreigner in Thailand rather than being the visitor themselves, as that was the situation they were currently in while speaking to me. Therefore, they felt if you come to their home you should play by their rules. That’s valid. I have no right to say they are in the wrong if I am in Thailand and the things they say make me uncomfortable. But if you have a guest in your home don’t you do your best to make them feel comfortable, even if it means changing your routine a bit? And as a guest, you expect to be make adjustments from your normal routine. It’s a compromise. It’s a thought that has certainly crossed everyone’s mind when you travel or interact with foreigners: whose responsibility is it to adapt? But there is no code or rule. Culture is a complicated game. The responsibility falls to those who are educated about the cultural differences, and they further have the responsibility to educate others. Although these directors challenged the idea at first, the next day they were eager to report what they had learned from the day before. When they arrived at the meeting room the sought me out to say “Teacher, we don’t talk about age. Don’t say you look sexy, or you are thin. Don’t offer you whiskey…” listing off each item on their fingers as they dug through their thoughts.

I was a proud teacher.